Reading, writing...that's what I do.

Love for the printed word, love and belief in ideas.

Father’s Day…2025… Thoughts, Wishes, Memories

 

On this Father’s Day, John and I are joyful. We have three amazing children and NOW FOUR amazing grandchildren. Arthur joined us in January!

We have enjoyed living in Chicago, Des Moines, Iowa and Westlake Village, California. But when our youngest, our son, moved to that part of Chicago where we were raised, where we fell in love, we moved back. Time to again be with old friends, to walk the streets we walked as teenagers, and to be near our son Andrew and his wife Amy as they build their live together. 

Fathers are important. Many of you know my story…that I lost mine when I was three. But a strong and amazing mother gave me and my brothers what we needed to grow and thrive. If you have lost a father or a mother, you still carry and will aways carry with you his story, her story, the pictures and the shadows of their lives.

And because of DNA, our parents are always a part of us. For me, drawn to medicine, always reading about human physiology (father), and for me who loves music and singing (mother), I now know and understand inheritance, parental connections. Such knowledge can offer comfort, an understanding of what we might have inherited and how we might benefit from that inheritance. I love stories about my father’s kindness, his love, sense of humor, gentleness.

And when my mother told me those very father stories, I must have subconsciously looked for those same qualities in a spouse, because I definitely found them in John, my husband. He loves humor…my father did. He is loyal, loves his family…my father again. 

Family connecting is a powerful thing…it reaches out, helps us fulfill our needs for love, constancy. Holding close the positive decisions we have made in our lives helps us continue on, to say YES when everything in our hearts, our very core is telling us…this is a good decision, this will benefit those you love. 

John and I have been blessed with three amazing children, our two daughters and our son. And we do find traces of us in them; but when they love different art or music, we listen, we learn. We find echoes in the paths of life they have taken…but they are quick to remind us that they are their own people…and rightly so. John and I always yearned to be parents, and for a time worried it would never happen… and then it did!

And so for this post on this Father’s Day…John found a wonderful photo of Caroline, our first child…who we called Carrie. I added favorites of Christie, Andrew and one of our new grandson, Arthur.    

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY, JOHN       HAPPY GRANDFATHER’S DAY!!    WE ALL LOVE YOU!   

Honoring Jan O’Hara: When Dark Emotions Threaten Your Writing

This past week I lost a friend, a writer…and we all lost a former physician, thinker and woman filled with joy. Jan O’Hara and I gave each other virtual hugs when they were needed. Today I share a selection from one of Jan’s post that appeared on Writer Unboxed.

Treat Feelings with Healthy Skepticism

Cognitive therapists have identified several thinking errors which, when indulged, tend to lead to depression, anxiety, and disempowerment. One of these is the error of Emotional Logic in which a feeling’s existence serves as proof of its veracity. I feel X, therefore X must be true. 

Some examples: I feel rejected so I must be unlovable. I feel ugly, so I must be unattractive. I feel invisible so I must be unwanted.

I feel like a hack writer, so that must mean my prose is useless.

How about doubling-down to create a self-fulfilling prophecy? I feel like I’m incapable of improving my craft, therefore my present deficiencies are permanent.

Making Thoughts Conscious

The first step in countering Emotional Logic is cultivating a kind of mindfulness process so as to slow and capture our thoughts.

Meditation is a commonly prescribed method, whether taught in video format by masters such as Jon Kabat-ZinnSharon Salzburg, or via an app. Here’s a set of Free Mindfulness Apps as recommended by Mindful.org.

Because it allows me to pin down my slippery thoughts, I’m a big fan of stream-of-consciousness journaling, which I do on an ad hoc basis for as long as required. Once upon a time, I kept a Moleskin journal and used a special pen for this purpose, but I’ve changed to coil-bound dollar-store notebooks. Their informality allows me to get honest, gritty, and real. 

Detachment, Not Suppression

So you’ve identified a process which allows you to notice the thoughts which produce Emotional Logic, and which sabotage your writing. Now what?

You’ve heard the expression that sunlight is the best disinfectant? Sometimes the mere act of identifying a thought is enough to make it lose its power. What once made you cringe becomes inconsequential, a source of amusement—perhaps a source of creativity, as with this article.

But how do you handle painful, recurrent thoughts? The psychological and medical literature are clear: don’t attempt to suppress them.

The reason is our basic biology and mental processing, as confirmed by functional MRI studies. Give your brain a message like Don’t eat chocolate! Don’t eat chocolate!  and what it hears is Chocolate! Chocolate! (Why it’s advisable to state goals in positive language. i.e. “I will” versus “I won’t.” Also why people who make a career out of fighting against vice are often the ones who succumb.)

Instead, try these two techniques, which cultivate the art of detachment:

  • Visualize the darker emotions as an approaching wave. Let it wash over you without trying to resist. Focus on mindful breathing. As it recedes, climb to your feet, pick the seaweed from your hair, pull up your bikini bottoms, and carry on. (For a more elegant description of the process, read Dr. Kelly McGonigal’s The Willpower Instinct, or Kabat-Zinn’s Full Catastrophe Living—two life-changing books.)
  • My favorite technique, as described by Byron Katie: Go for a daily 5-10 minute walk and as your gaze rests on an object, give it a basic, non-judgmental name. Eraser. Pepper. Man. Move to the next object and continue the process. As you become comfortable, extend it to your thoughts, actions and emotions. Angry. Arguing. Dead.

Lastly, Build Upon Success and the Flow of Creativity

As I’m slowly learning, when the Drama Llama comes to visit, there’s no need to throw wide the stable doors, set out a gilded water bowl, and dodge his spittle whilst serving designer llama food. Rather, with time and practice, we can learn to greet him with a peaceful smile. We can offer a gentle pat and send him on his way with a “Safe journey, Drama Llama.” Then we can return to the page.

Each time we do this, we create a sense of confidence in our capacity to handle writing threats. We gain an opportunity to get taken over by the work and to enter a state of Flow, which is only my second-favorite emotional state in the world. *eyebrow waggle*

MY FINAL COMMENT: I might forget the eyebrow waggle, but I will not forget Jan’s smile, her generous comments and her friendship. Thanks for reading.

My London Interview

PHOTO: Author Elizabeth A. Havey, whose fiction captures the emotional heart of motherhood and memory with lyrical depth and powerful storytelling.

For this interview, I was contacted by a woman who works for a magazine in London. It was fun, though I am not a celebrity in any context, and this book happened a few years ago. But, I AM A WRITER, and thus I am sharing the interview with you.

Exploring Life, Love, and Legacy Through Stories That Resonate

Elizabeth A. Havey shares how her experiences as a mother, nurse, and Midwesterner have shaped her emotionally rich fiction, particularly her short story collection centered on the complexities of motherhood.

Elizabeth A. Havey writes with a voice shaped by a life deeply lived and beautifully observed. With every story, she invites us into intimate, powerful portraits of women—mothers, daughters, wives—capturing their joys and losses with unflinching honesty and lyrical precision. Her work pulses with emotional truth, grounded in both her literary training and her years spent as a labor and delivery nurse, a role that gave her firsthand witness to life at its most raw and miraculous.

Her recent collection, A Mother’s Time Capsule, is a testament to the complexity and resilience of motherhood. These are not sentimental tales, but layered narratives that explore memory, grief, strength, and love. Havey’s ability to infuse her fiction with her personal experiences—whether growing up in the Midwest, raising her own children, or tending to women in moments of profound vulnerability—gives her work a richness that lingers long after the final page.

We are honored to feature Elizabeth A. Havey in this issue of Novelist Post. Her candor, wisdom, and dedication to the craft of storytelling serve as a beacon to both readers and writers alike. In the interview that follows, she shares not only her creative process, but also the inner life that fuels it—a life committed to words, memory, and the enduring power of human connection.

Havey writes with grace, wisdom, and emotional depth, transforming life’s quiet moments into unforgettable, beautifully crafted literary experiences.

What inspired you to focus your short story collection on motherhood?

When I decided to create this published work, I looked for a common theme. I had written three novels, unpublished, but mothers were always major characters: the mother of a missing child; the pregnant women longing for birth; and my own mother’s death, she being widowed early on with a six, three and three-month-old.

How did your background in English literature influence your approach to storytelling?

When you spend hours reading for college classes, also taking a book with you for a doctor appointment, train or plane ride, and when driving you are listening to books on tape…it all inspires you to write. Also, many summers I attended the University of Iowa Summer Writing Festival, taking classes with published authors like Elizabeth Strout, the winner of the Pulitzer Prize for Olive Kitteridge.

“When you help a woman give birth…interesting characters come alive.” — Elizabeth A. Havey

What insights from your experience as a labor and delivery nurse found their way into your writing?

During every shift I marveled at the strength of my sex. When you help a woman give birth, try to ease her pain, encourage her…you drive home thinking about each patient, and for me only once did the infant die. I worked the 3-11 shift, driving home from Chicago to the suburbs. I had time to consider my day, my patients, their needs, and thus interesting characters come alive.

In what ways did studying at the University of Iowa Writing Workshops shape your voice as a writer?

Writing is a lonely profession, which can be great when it is just you and your characters coming alive on the page…but there are also questions. And even when you occasionally sit back, content as to how that chapter ended…it’s still only you as critic. You need incentive, someone to acknowledge your work is improving…that you have something to say, that your use of language has power and beauty.

How do your Midwest roots continue to influence the characters or settings in your stories?

When you walk sidewalks of neighborhoods that have been in existence for over a hundred years, you feel a weight, a permanence clinging to brick houses, rows of trees. And there is always the Rock Island Train, that when you were a child clacked, whistled across the street into your open bedroom window. There are family traditions, Christmas at Marshal Fields, church services blocks away…then much later you’re driving freeways to visit your mother, you now in a growing Midwest city, so that these things appear in your stories, metaphors for your life.

“Writers always need to know WHEN the story must end.” — Elizabeth A. Havey

Can you share a particular story from A Mother’s Time Capsule that was especially difficult or emotional to write?

It would be When Did My Mother Die? which focuses on memories connected to my mother Jinni’s death. The story echoes the last phone call I had with her closest friend, Lillian. Both women were in their late 90’s, but my mother had dementia, and Lillian so saddened by this that she no longer wanted to see my mother, preferring to cling to memoires, the vibrant, discussions they had about books, art. The story ends with a flock of birds, “heavy dark fruit” covering the branches of a tree outside my window…these birds…just as my last call with Lillian ended. Soon after, both women died.

How do you balance the emotional depth of your stories with the craft of short fiction?

Writers always need to know WHEN the story must end. Though FRAGILE focuses on an accident affecting not only one of the two daughters of Tess and Adam, but also the trust that must be part of their marriage, the reader requires a satisfactory denouement. Marriage with children always presents the possibility of pain, sorrow. Love increases the need for safety, security, but love can also be the healer when danger, pain causes cracks in the foundation of the marriage. FRAGILE required a lot of editing to provide a satisfying ending. The child’s eye has healed…but what really matters is a new, stronger bond of love that unites the family under an endless, endless sky. 

What role has your blog Boomer Highway played in your development as a published author?

Well I’m smiling…because the blog started with the name Boomer Highway, and my life did feel like a busy highway…a daughter in upstate New York getting her Master’s Degree; a daughter moving to California to work in the film industry; our son, still in grade school, because I’d convinced John if we had another child when I was in my early forties…it would be a boy. You dream, plan, are blessed…and then decide you have a lot to say. I was writing novels, but blogs were the thing…a way to write AND publish. Previously, I had published short stories in small magazines, been rejected by one university publication, accepted by another. And I was writing novels. I have written three, all unpublished. But Boomer needed a name change. It now appears every Sunday as: https://elizabethahavey.com

But because technology changes, I have a tech helper. In 2023 that person died suddenly, and days later the blog disappeared. I could not access my work. This affected other bloggers, we eventually discovering that without telling us, this woman had sold our blogs to some group in Asia. Details don’t matter; these people wanted me to buy back MY WORK. I struggled with what to do…then a few days later the blog reappeared. I stayed up all night copying most of my work into WORD…then telling them to TAKE A HIKE. I then had to start all over…a difficult time.

“Keep writing, there’s no magic to the process; and rewrite.” — Elizabeth A. Havey

How has being a part of Women’s Fiction Writers Association impacted your writing journey?

WFWA has been part of my journey. After my mother died, we moved to California to be near our grandchildren. Then on the computer, a notice: some writers are forming a group to provide a place to critique each other’s work, help each other publish…interested? I joined immediately and love being a beginning member. Though I have not yet achieved all my goals, the group has aided my writing, the friendships being part of my journey, the retreats, lectures and workshops improving my work. Have others gone on to be more successful than me? Yes. But I still believe in my work, though maybe what I write is more literary than that of others. At the end of the last WFWA retreat, which was in Chicago, I began to chat with two women who were also lingering. Immediately, we felt such comradery and now monthly exchange each other’s work on Zoom. In the writing world, you just never know who will be there for you.

What advice would you give to emerging writers who are trying to find their voice and stay committed to their craft?

Keep writing, there’s no magic to the process; and rewrite. Though I have written three novels, only sections have been published. Writers are explorers, discovering what to say, how to say it. Paraphrasing F. Scott Fitzgerald…So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” That’s writing…preserving memory on the page.

Favorite ER Superstitions

Triage classification

Thanks to Kevin MD and his column. He brings Medicine to the public, and he makes those in medical professions smile. Kevin writes: MD ER docs and nurses (and paramedics) are a superstitious lot. I decided it would be interesting to those not in the business to read about some of our superstitions. So in no specific order, here are my favorites. 

  1. The “Q” word. “Quiet”    Using that word is truly the kiss of death. The “S” word for “slow” carries the same jinx. And usually some newbie nurse or clerk who is “not superstitious ” will say, “Wow, I haven’t seen it this quiet in here for a while.” And everyone around will groan and in five minutes ten ambulances and a buss from the nearest nursing home will arrive, oh and one of the ambulances will call ahead announcing the imminent arrival of a pediatric code.
  1. The full moon. The story goes that the full moon brings out crazies and the trauma, and maybe even makes normal folks sick. The story also goes that during a full moon the ER  will be hopping. (In maternity, a full moon means that more women will go into labor….and staff will even try to work the schedule so they are off during a full moon.)  Studies have been done, (really they have) but in spite of the fact that statistics do not bear this out, ER docs and nurses will not let this one go! It just seems to be right and it’s nice to have a large, inanimate object to bland for your woes. 
  2. The black cloud. I have a reputation as being a ‘black cloud’. This means that when I come on the shift the heaves open and sick people get some magical message that tells them all to come to the ER…NOW! The black could label is hard to shake because even though you stack a whole bunch of reasonable shifts in the hopper, the minute the ER goes nuts the nurses look at you and remember that at some point YOU have been declared a ‘black cloud’. Sometimes the only way to shake this label is to wait for a new hire doc to hit the ER and let it be known, quietly, that new Dr. So-and SO is a terrible                       black cloud.
  3. Dissed paramedic revenge. There may be something to this one! Paramedics are independent individuals. When you, an ER doc or charge nurse, for example, read them riot act, especially if it is done in front of others, that paramedic can respond by bringing the rest of his patients right to you. This is most obvious when the medics have a few places to choose from in terms of where they take their patients.  The doc, gave me a hard time about the last patient…oh wow! this homeless guy a schizophrenic with chest pains would be best served by seeing 911 doc …lets pass metro and drive down to Mercy. It’s only another 10 miles and 911 doc is all that! (evil smirk) 
  4. Major concerts or spotting events. It would make sense that if your team is playing for the title that the ER would be hopping after the event, either from the riot which accompanies a loss or the riot which accompanies a win. Still, working the night shift a while back when our team won the NBA title, the ER was as slow as I had ever seen it. This, of course, means they didn’t try very hard to riot! 
  5. Holidays. They suck. All of them. There’s no mystery here. Thanksgiving and Christmas and the ER is the only game in town. All the doctor’s offices are closed. 
  6.  Spitting on the board will produce a shit storm. Many ERs do not have boards anymore, at least not the kind you can spit on. They are now computer monitors. I spat on the old chalk-board once, as a joke, walking out the door, and as I drove home I was passed  by two ambulances running lights, sirens, and heading to the hospital. 

       THANKS FOR READING!! 

DEALING WITH PHYSICAL DIFFERENCES

What I question, and would love your thoughts concerning…is that as we age, why does our ability to accept physical change ie aging and illness, become even harder? Is it the long span of health, independence, the years of perfect functioning that disallows us to acknowledge that we are mortal? As Wordsworth wrote in Intimation of Immortality, maybe children do arrive in this world: But trailing clouds of glory do we come From God, who is our home…

Or is it because children do not have as firm a stake in the world as we adults. Throughout life, all of us must compensate, adapt. Sometimes it is only for a short while. Other times, it is longer, even forever. 

At the age of five, after eye surgery, I had to wear bandages on both eyes, but only for a week.

A friend of mine developed MS, Multiple Sclerosis, her ability to compensate and adapt now coloring her entire life. If you lose an arm, you are still the same person…that hasn’t changed your heart and soul, but it has changed the way you function, and how people see you. 

If we have scars from a traffic accident or a fire–we are integrally the same person, who now must struggle with this loss, working through an adjustment, desiring to be the same, but also learning how to accept and live with these changes in the real world.

But am stating it correctly? Does physical, outer change affect us internally? Because it is terribly wrong to label someone, but is the speaker who might label someone trying to distance him or herself from what might some day happen to them? Because we all have human, deep-seated fears. And do we instinctively know that our bodies are fragile?

OUR BODIES, OUR SELVES 

From the beginning, we crave distance from the pain and suffering of others. As a child, I didn’t realize I could give pain to someone else when I wanted to look away from them, simply because they were changed, because they didn’t look like people in my family…they had lost a limb or were scarred in some way. But YES, I grew to see their strength…and then there was Chris.

The son of my close friend, Chris was only seven when burned in a house fire, flown by helicopter to the best place in Chicago for his care, the Northwestern Burn Center, where he was  immediately treated for the burns over large portions of his body. I don’t remember the exact percentage, but it was frightening. 

Chris went through months of necessary but also incredibly painful procedures to deal with his burns. Was he permanently scarred? Yes. For months after, he had to wear pressure garments to reduce scaring. Kids made fun of him, but strength grew in Chris. Over time, he left the pain of denial, moving to acceptance. And Chris moved so far into accepting his scars, that he forged a new life…Chris and I attended nursing school together, graduated together…and yes, for a time, worked the same Chicago hospital together.   

BUT WHY DO WE STARE, WHY DO WE MAKE UP JOKES?  

After being an English teacher, then wanting to go into nursing, I had to question why my choice was so strong. Was it something I just had to do? My father dying of a heart attack when I was three: one reason. Early adulthood chest pain that led to doing research, another. It  opened my eyes to the world of medicine. 

And maybe I found my way into nursing so that I would better understand human reactions, that we often fail to accept those who have physical and medical issues.

Nursing helped me to become more open and accepting, and thus I learned to believe that  no matter the shape of our body, the losses or problems we might live with, each of us deserves the acknowledgement of being a whole and full human being.

Over time, I also learned not to run and open doors for the handicapped, unless explicitly asked to do so. And I cannot forget the day I approached a blind man, telling him the usual entrance to the mall was blocked by decorations. He whirled on me, told me he knew exactly where he was going. In that moment, I realized I had invaded his space, and thus had not treated him as an equal…I was wrong.

So do we take for granted our bodies, how to care for them? Yes, we do. Take care of yourself…your body is a gift. 

Thanks to Artistic Anatomy for the lovely art.

Happy Mother’s Day…Keep Your Children Safe

 

 

Definition: Herd immunity is a form of immunity that occurs when the vaccination of a significant portion of a population (or herd) provides a measure of protection for individuals who have not developed immunity.

It arises when a high percentage of the population is protected through vaccination against a virus or bacteria, making it difficult for a disease to spread because there are so few susceptible people left to infect. This can effectively stop the spread of disease in the community.

It is particularly crucial for protecting people who cannot be vaccinated. These include children who are too young to be vaccinated, people with immune system problems, and those who are too ill to receive vaccines (such as some cancer patients). 

  • So when you vaccinate your children and grandchildren,  you are also protecting vulnerable members of your community by reducing the spread of disease.
  • When you get a flu shot,  you are protecting the elderly and immunocompromised from dying of the flu–and some do every year.
  • “When the number of people vaccinated drops below 95 percent, a community loses herd immunity to highly contagious germs…”

Looking at the History: the 1950s

In a recent article in TIME Jeffrey Kluger provides great information: in 1952 there were 57,879 cases of paralytic polio in the U. S. By 1961, six years after the Salk vaccine was introduced, that number fell to 1,312, a 98% reduction. Today the figure is zero. Measles?? In the 1950s, 3-5 million of us contracted the disease EACH YEAR! 48,000 of those cases were hospitalized. In 2012 there were only 55 cases. BUT WE DON’T WANT TO GO BACK.

PAST COVERAGE: Some states have excellent rates of coverage: Louisiana 96.6% rate for the MMR and 98.3% for diphtheria, tetanus and pertussis Tdap. Mississippi boasts a near perfect 99.9% but California, with its contributing figures from Orange County where mothers often listen to a certain pediatrician who tells them not to vaccinate if they don’t want to, has only 92.7% for the MMR and 92.5% for Tdap. This is serious. Populations cannot afford the numbers to drop below 95%. It puts many people at risk. It puts immunocompromised people, infants and cancer patients at risk.

Fighting Back

Jeffrey Kluger reports that some medical professionals are able to convince parents to vaccinate by using these measures:

  1. Relating the consequences of getting the disease:

mumps: deafness, inflammation of the brain (encephalitis), inflammation of testes which can cause a drop in the sperm count, and inflammation of the ovaries, though fertility is not affected;

measles: ear infections, pneumonia, encephalitis; and in a pregnancy miscarriage or premature birth; death: one or two out of 1,000 die;

German measles, rubella: poses a grave danger to a pregnant woman’s fetus and can cause miscarriage or birth defects, like deafness, intellectual disability, heart defects; 85 out of 100 babies born to mothers who had rubella in the first 3 months of her pregnancy will have a birth defect.

  1. MOBI– maximizing office-based immunizations–in other words, taking the opportunity to offer vaccines to children whenever they appear in the medical office. “We think people listen to their providers, says Mary DiOrio, the state of Ohio’s epidemiologist.
  2. Laws.49 of the 50 states have laws that require kids to be vaccinated before attending public schools and daycare centers. (at least they did…not sure now) PROBLEM: parents can utilize an opt-out form for religious reasons–but this can be exploited.
  3. Some schools are now permitted to require unvaccinated children to stay home during outbreaks, and to bar them from school activities. T
  4. The Autism Component  

The initial fears that the MMR contributed to the rise of autism might still be circulating, though the research has found that to be totally inaccurate. As Kluger writes: “The vaccine opponents are not going away anytime soon (RFK)….”

For more information talk to your pediatrician. 

On Immunity: An Inoculation by Eula Bliss Graywolf

Who’s Afraid of a Little Vaccine? by Jeffrey Kluger

Measles…

  • Key points

    • Measles is a very contagious viral infection.
    • The most common symptoms of measles are a fever and a rash.
    • Vaccination is a safe and effective way to protect your child against measles.
    • Measles is rare in Australia due to widespread vaccination, but outbreaks do happen.
    • Measles can lead to serious complications and, in rare cases, even death.

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My London Interview

PHOTO: Author Elizabeth A. Havey, whose fiction captures the emotional heart of motherhood and memory with lyrical depth and powerful storytelling.

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