Reading, writing...that's what I do.

Lies, Big and Little

When I was growing up…the worst thing you could be called was LIAR.

On, I am sure there were other words out there, words with sexual aspects, but that was certainly NOT on my radar. And yes, there were words that our mother, Jinni, absolutely abhorred…snot being one of them.

In today’s world…no big deal. Yes, I was protected. And yes, I had to actually LOOK BAD WORDS UP in the dictionary to find out what they meant. And I did this frequently. WHY ?  Because I heard these words and wanted to know WHAT THEY MEANT. WHY THEY WERE BAD WORDS. 

All of this is to say, that while growing, using any of these words had weight in my family. You certainly did not swear using God or any word related to God. I remember when I learned the word SHIT. What a cool word to say, that S sound. And big deal…it’s part of life.

But of course my mother lectured us on the problem of using “disgusting” language.

“That is not now how I raised you. Those words do not represent who you are.”

Truth. But for me, my cussing increased when I was in college.

AND looking back, I know why. Using the F word or other slang terms made young women feel empowered. It’s not a good look. But one can understand it. And actually, I think we go through stages when swearing or talking street talk makes us feel strong, older, with it. But now even typing it FEELS SILLY. But we humans are silly, strange, always changing and trying to discover who we are. 

MY CONFESSION   

But back to my childhood. Though we did not acknowledge it, we knew how to use the little white lie.

In my latest book, 10055 South Wood Street, I write about my big lie: my friend and I telling my mother that his mother was out of matches and needed some. You might remember those big kitchen matches…so much fun to light those. My mother was working and quickly gave us her entire box of kitchen matches, which my friend and took to the railroad tracks and began lighting. And then, not too much later, when in Catholic School we were preparing for our FIRST CONFESSION…..yes, that was my sin. I lied to my mother. 

“Create A Lie When One Is Needed”

Years later, I basically have always followed the creed: a LIE will only come back to haunt you…even if YOU DID NOT TELL ONE.

Thus, as a writer for a popular blog, my post was due on a given Tuesday. I had sent it in, but at the last minute there was a problem with the photo that would accompany the blog.

I got on the net, sent a better photo; the post went live, but things sill were not right. I tired to communicate with the person in charge of this aspect of the blog, but he was unavailable or out of town. Oh well, life goes on. This is a small matter, UNTIL IT ISN’T. 

Time passed. I got an email that I could no longer send work to this blog for publication. I tend to have a big heart, immediately deciding there was some simple mistake. When I finally was able to have a phone call with the person who runs the blog, I was told:  You are OUT. YOU LIED. 

What? Please explain, what had I lied about?

THE PHOTO FOR THAT POST? 

If I chose the wrong photo, I am sorry….but I never lied about it, fixed it as best I could, the person in charge being out of town…which was a poor excuse, he could get on the internet anywhere! 

Thus Dear Reader, I tend to be naive about some things. And it was only later, that I realized they wanted me gone….and this was their chance. I was just too friendly with this person in charge of blog and someone did not like that…

So make up a lie…punish me. 

In this moment, our current president is shouting on the TV. Talk about a liar.

All my life I have prided myself on being honest about WHAT I DO and HOW I LIVE.

A woman writer communicating via email is no real threat. Friendship is no real threat, unless there is something wrong in the marriage. 

I truly believe each one of us should think first before we create a lie, little or big..because it could have far reaching consequences.

And though I did fight back during a phone call…no one would listen to me. They stuck to their story. They had created the lie and thus must carry it through. Their loss.

Now we have certain people in power in our country who LIE all the time. It eats away at dignity and people GET HURT.

Botton line….NO LIE IS LITTLE.   Every lie can light a burning match that spreads, hurts someone.

Thanks for reading. 

When Only One Thing Matters

We live in a world of change, of pressure and persuasion. From newspapers and television, we are not so quietly told WHAT TO BE, WHERE TO EAT, HOW TO LIVE. And if we are honest, we often are affected by this noise and clammer.

Oh, we think we have a handle on it, but then suddenly realize that the coat we had to have, the book everyone told us to read, the film so praised and lauded…just truly was not for us. And I am not afraid to say this: aging puts it all in perspective.

We see more and more the worth in small things. The letter or phone call from a friend. The compliment we were not expecting. The kindness of someone in the grocery store…those little things. Maybe it is because we realize the importance of slowing the pace, of looking into the eyes of the person talking to us, of honoring their humanity, who they truly are. The pace of life can be devastating…so that we wake up one day and forget to say thank you to those close to us; to remember a birthday or to call a friend who has lost their spouse. LIFE IS MOVING VERY QUICKLY and we need to stop and smell those roses, make that phone call, write that poem.

I am blessed to meet with two other writers about once a month. We read each others work and provide feedback. But we also understand when we haven’t fulfilled a certain goal…rewriting a scene, softening a character’s words in a given moment, or changing the dialogue that was confusing or in the wrong place. We understand because LIFE gets in the way. We have families, we have responsibilities. 

BEING THERE…BEING NEEDED

My message? In life and in your daily experience, things change. Minor and major changes. 

And as humans we are expected to be right there….accept, understand, and deal with the change. We are to adapt to the needs of others, keep it going, and always, if possible, SMILE. 

But that is not possible. Our wires can get crossed. Were we listening or was the message never delivered. And there is only ONE WAY to live with this, deal with this as our world gets more and complicated and things move faster and faster.

TAKE A DEEP BREETH.

SPEND TIME MAKING PLANS THAT WILL WORK FOR EVERYONE. 

COMMUNICATE. Thus the photo I chose today… me and my grandson. He may still be adding words to his vocabulary, but possibly better than anyone, he knows how to show me love and appreciation. He knows what he needs and how to say THANK YOU when I provide such a gift.

MAYBE we should all slow down for an hour or two, tell those near us how much we love them. Share hugs and feelings. LIFE IS SHORT. And when my grandson wakes from his nap, I won’t be there, but his mother, his father will be… the people who love and care for him. And yet, when he sees me again, he will smile and go to me. He will let me play with him, hug him. That is how love works. We show up. We give….and in return, we are blessed. THANKS FOR READING 

I Can Do The Tricky Stuff

We all plan our lives to some degree. Plan our children’s lives. We are not gifted with seeing into the future, but as we age we often THINK we know best. And thankfully, we are often right. 

And yet there are also surprises. One of my favorites involves my own dear mother, Jinni, a widow with we three children, who often would show us the thumb on her left hand, indicating that it was not easy to move her dictates to us, not easy for us to have our way….but sometimes. Because….

My younger brother Bill wanted to get into the music business right after college, Jinni finally agreeing to part of his goal….flying to LA. Because yes, her brother Chuck and her sister-in-law Imelda lived there. So Bill could try to get into the music business, and then later simply fly back home.

But later never happened. Imelda had a neighbor, right across the street on Clump Avenue (the street name always drove her crazy) who worked in the LA music business. A meeting was set up, Bill got an entry level position, and then because he was Bill who knew what he wanted, and because he worked like crazy in that first position, and then the second etc, he soon could claim and exceed every aspect of his dream. AND THE REST IS HISTORY, Bill’s history.

I think all of us, if we tried, could look back on our lives and find that opening, that mentor, even the words of ONE UNDERSTANDING PERSON who helped our goals, put air in the balloon of our dreams.

But we also know that being a parent about to help a child make that major choice, can be like standing by  Captain Hook’s plank…can our son or daughter walk the plank of his or her choice safely? Or is he or she going to fall off…and to complete the analogy, where is Tinker Bell? Or who is Tinker Bell?

BUT YES, WE JUST KEEP LISTENING ….to our own hearts and always to our children…their ideas, goals and longings. And we will not regret that.

And despite Bill’s connected neighbor, I am certain my brother would have become a success in the music business. And despite my having a toddler and having left a solid teaching career, I was determined to go back to school and become a Labor and Delivery RN. First there was the fact that I had never studied medicine. Then there was the fact that I was seeking a particular, coveted position as an older, brand-new RN: You will never get that position, so many told me. BUT I DID. And yes, I had a long drive into the city, but I loved Mercy Hospital, and I loved all the people there and my work. 

SO FINAL THOUGHT….Watch what you say or dream or create in front of your own children.

TRUE STORY: my daughter Christie and I are in her car, she driving us to dance class for her firstborn Adeline, then three going on four, riding in the backseat, amusing herself, while Christie lists for me all the options for this amazing child, referring to the pressure that even young children can experience as the world opens up for them: pre-school, gym, this dance class…and my daughter suddenly wonders aloud if it is all just too much, and how will it go….

while in the back seat, safe in her carseat where she has been looking out the window, Adeline suddenly reveals the direction SHE is heading, saying, I CAN DO THE TRICKY STUFF. 

Of course! And I, her grandmother, will never forget this…Adeline now in the depth of college study, preparing for a career in research and aspects of medicine. OF COURSE SHE IS!!   She can do the tricky stuff, and so can so many of those we love and encourage.

So please remember to take a deep breath, and then slowly let it out….when YOUR CHILD makes that amazing announcement. Because he or she certainly will…and thanks for reading.