MENOPAUSE: “If men went through it, what do you think would happen? Great question asked by Emily Bobrow in The WSJ.
Bobrow is referencing a woman realizing… wow! It’s menopause time. And how did that happen? And who is going to hold my hand through this NEW and maybe devastating life change. She remembers learning “things like that” from Judy Bloom in her well-know book, “Are You There God, It’s Margaret.” So Bobrow wonders: who is out there NOW to answer such questions. HA HA! “Are you there, God, I’m going through the change.”
But there is someone, writer Miranda July. “I kinda couldn’t believe the void when I got there. It’s a kind of transition, like birth or death, so you would expect books and songs, operas and plays throughout all time on this.”
Oh please! But bless you, Ms. July. And so July found herself asking her friends about it, often in hushed tones. She also claims that even the most dedicated feminists knew only as much about “the change” as she did. And there were no songs, operas or plays. OF COURSE NOT!
WHAT DID JULY DO?
She decided to write “All Fours”, her latest novel, recently released. The Summary: a 45 year-old woman develops an overwhelming attraction to a young man she meets when he is helping clean her car’s windshield. AND…she begins to realize she needs to reconcile her body’s reaction, her age, marriage and choices with her NOW fluctuating hormones. The woman had worried that she might have “aged out of” desire, the ability to recognize it, act on it…until she realizes she has not!
All of this brings up the questions every women has, and July’s gynecologist is more than eager to answer.
SOME ANSWERS
Yes, July is at the age for menopause with its many symptoms: insomnia, memory lapses, loss of libido. And July tells a close friend in her “July” way: “We’re all about to fall off a cliff.” HA HA!! Hearing that, the other thing isn’t far behind: midlife crisis. But she also writes that this could be kinda fun. “…to throw out words like ‘dry vagina. It’s like waving a gun around and everyone goes whoah!”
But also, my WRITER FRIENDS, now is the time to quote novelist Dana Spiotta: “It’s a great age for a writer to be. You feel like you have access to everything!” What a truth! You have experience, have lived lives that now become the background you needed for excellent, dynamic, emotional and worthwhile fiction. YES!! REMEMBER THIS.
Have you ever read a novel, written by either a man or a woman, where you were amazed at what the writer DID NOT KNOW, about life, sex, marriage, motherhood, sorrow etc etc ? You actually feel kinda sorry for the writer.
So look at it this way: USING ONE’S OWN EXPERIENCE GROUNDS YOU…NOT ONLY IN YOUR WRITING, BUT ALSO IN YOUR LIFE. Don’t be afraid to use your past to form decisions about the present.
SO NEXT STEPS?
We experience life, other’s stories and then we write. As Emily Bobrow states: “The stories woman are including, stories to tell about themselves, appear to be changing.” Yes, openness, honesty is good, helps you, helps others. So read: Rachel Cusk, Alice Munro, Sigrid Nunez, Elizabeth Strout, Anne Tyler.
Bobrow also references Kristin Scott Thomas’s role in “Fleabag” her character describing menopause as “the most wonderful fulfilng thing in the world.” We can also go back to Virginia Woolf’s “Mrs. Dalloway”, the main character being ambivalent about her status, yet her drive to be visible and throw a party despite: “herself suddenly shriveled, aged, and breast-less.”
THOUGHTS
This quotes from novelist Dana Spiotta: “It’s a great age for a writer to be. You feel like you have access to everything!” Truth. Lived lives are the background needed for excellent and worthwhile fiction.
And have you ever read a novel written by either a man or a woman, where you were amazed at what the writer DOES NOT KNOW about life, sex, marriage, motherhood, sorrow? If so, it feels right to stress that using one’s own experience grounds you…not only in your writing, but also in your life. Thus, I enjoyed the last line of a recent piece: The narrator emerges from a theatre and notices that the sun is just beginning to set, “golden light everywhere; she decides to go for a walk. She had plenty of time…”
PS For us, this is a golden time…use it, feel it, enjoy it. You have plenty of time.
7 Responses
I do think I might read her book…curious.
I just read that George Sanders thinks it is an incredible book….all the more reason to read it. Beth
This is such an interesting premise for a book
Thanks, Carol. I love how the writer basically got angry that there wasn’t
such a book, she desiring something like Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret.
As we LIVE we could all use a little help!! Beth
LOVE your comment. Beth
I also want to read “All Fours.” Sounds interesting! Like all times in life, menopause is a fascinating transition. I went through mine fairly easily, thank goodness.
Laurie, Thanks, Laurie. I love how the writer basically got angry that there wasn’t
such a book, she desiring something like Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret.
As we LIVE we could all use a little help!! Beth