Memories can sparkle. And they can STING…when we unbury them, stumble upon them. We might even cry, become angry. Memories are like that. Because WE DO NOT FORGET.
When I ask myself what I do remember, my life seems to have wandered through a long dark tunnel that wasn’t lighted by memory, until I started school. But there are exceptions…hazy memories that were planted because of loss, sorrow: my father’s death when I was only three.
But from Kindergarten on…the memories are vey clear. Because then most of us have markers to help us remember: the name of our teachers; the names of the children we met, befriended. And how strange….those names are still bright, fervent. But someone we met causally a few days ago…now what was her name?
I know my childhood history, because my mother relayed it to me. At such an early age, I could not have remembered all of it on my own.
But if my father’s sudden death, when I was three, is mentioned, I have memories… sun pouring through a western window, my older brother John crying, unconsolable in my aunt’s arms; something has happened, the two huddled in the brightness of a flowered chair.
The second memory must be part of the same day. I can’t sleep. There is noise downstairs, people talking. Then voices come upstairs, my door opens and someone holds me…In the flow of memory, these two pictures are related. Only when I am old enough to understand, I learn that the two images are from the same day & that night….June 4th, when my father died in our living room: major coronary. Yes, these are MY memories. No one sat me down and described them to me.
WHY DOES IT TAKE TIME FOR CHILDREN TO FORM MEMORIES?
Because there is something called childhood amnesia.
Sally Goddard Blythe, director of the Institute for Neuro-Physiological Psychology (INPP) in the UK, author of books on child development, states that we don’t have the ability to talk about things that happened to us before we are fluent in a language.
She says that language ability doesn’t happen until we have reached the age of three. And without the ability to TALK about what happened, use the words to “match” the memory cemented in our brains, we are unable to store those early memories as easily as we store later ones. And that’s because later, we have language skills to go along with our memories.
This is fascinating, especially the storage part. Because as children, we have lived a lot in those early years, though: “Children do have these kinds of memories; they disappear really quickly,” says Dr. Rachel Elward, PhD.
Okay, but let’s have examples to support this:
While creating a STORY, 3-year-olds were asked to talk to their mothers about six past events from their lives. They were then asked to remember these events when they were older. The researchers found that between the ages of 5 and 7, the children remembered more than 60% of the events, but by the ages of 8 and 9, this had fallen to less than 40%.
However, these memories aren’t always gone for good. “Conscious memory is thought to develop from about 3, but before that, there is sensory-emotional experience which may be revived in later life, when similar events or sensory triggers are present,” says Blythe. “A pleasant example of sensory memory may be a particular smell (the most evocative of the senses), which, many years later, conjures an image or even a sense of presence of our mother.”
WHAT WE REMEMBER AND WHEN
Dr. Kenn Apel, states that Four-year-olds take leaps and abounds: they can tell you a story; relate what they did in preschool and do it so well, that people outside their family will understand them. A child who is four should be able to name colors, shapes, and letters. So whenever possible, explore different letters and words with them, Dr. Apel suggests. “You can take any moment, such as eating breakfast, as a chance to teach something new. For instance, explain how Cheerios is a long word, but milk is a short one. It might take a few minutes, but a child can learn a lot in that short amount of time.”
WHEN A CHILD IS FOUR
Though four-year-olds are not be able to tell time, they should understand the general concept of ordering moments throughout the day—like breakfast in the morning, lunch in the afternoon, dinner at night. “It’s important for kids to have some redundancy in life,” Dr. Apel explains. “Doing the same things each day is good, because it allows children to concentrate on picking up the language around them, not the task.”
Following More Complex Commands
At 4, your child should be able to follow three-or four-step commands, such as “Put your book away, brush your teeth, and then get in bed.” Your child should also be able to verbalize their own wants and needs, making requests such as “I want pizza for dinner, and I want to watch a movie before bed.”
Pediatricians and speech pathologists are always on the lookout for issues with receptive language, so if your child or grandchild can’t follow instructions or doesn’t seem to understand what you’re saying, it’s advised to consult a healthcare professional.
The Bottom Line
It’s important to remember that all children are different, and every child develops at a unique rate. Milestones are an estimate, and not an exact guidance. That being said, if you find you have questions or concerns about your child’s language development, be sure to reach out to a pediatrician or health care provider for further assistance.
3 Responses
I remember my Father’s account of frustration at not being able to do anything but listen to his friend Al’s tachycardia through a stethoscope that day. He was very sad.
I can’t imagine losing a parent at three-years-old. Such a tragedy. I also have memories from that age and like you, they’re snapshots. It wasn’t till I was five that memories became more solid. Your dad would be proud of you.
Thanks, Laurie. You are the best long-distance friend. And yes, I do believe he would be proud of me…and
my brothers. MY MOTHER WAS AWESOME. Hugs, Beth