Whether we are experiencing midlife, or we are aging; whether we are living with a partner, living alone or are currently surrounded by family…that position does not matter. Bottom line: in life, sexuality is still integral to who we are research continuing to reveal that in many aspects of our lives, how we function as a sexual being directly correlates to a happier, fuller life. And right along with that comes our spiritual life.
In the article, Sacred Fire, author Toni Weingarten reflects on standard religious teachings that many of us experienced when growing up. Sex basically meant don’t. Additionally, members of our parents’ generation were often unable to teach us about sex, making us think of it as forbidden, even wrong.
Sandra Lommasson, spiritual director at Mercy Center in Burlingame, CA, provides a fresher view: “Sexuality is the drive for love, unity, family. Sexuality calls us to new forms of partnership and creativity, to bring life into the world. Our soul isn’t something we have—we are our souls. The soul is life, the principle of energy. And the only sin is to dry up.” Lommasson states: “sexuality—erotic energy—is a powerful sacred fire.”
Sr. Lorita Moffatt expands on these thoughts, referring to sexuality as the “juice of life, a desire for union, communion, and that juice is in plants, animals, all of creation.” Approaching children with such a concept of sexuality would certainly be positive, life affirming.
Both of these women are skilled in spiritual direction, a process where a mentor/counselor meets with a person who desires to blend daily living with a spiritual life; someone who wants to develop an inner life, a clear view of the path he or she is on. Both women make the basic point that the spiritual part of a person does not say don’t —though Lommasson does stress: “We need to respect the sacredness of the fire.”
INTEGRATING THE TWO
The respect for love and the ability to have children lives in the relationship of the two people who value the intimacy they share with one another. In families, it is healthy for children to learn over time that their parents have a special relationship that occurs behind closed doors. That this is a special sexual relationship allowing them to bring children into the world, and at its best, this relationship unites and sustains them in a family that is productive and happy.
Christine Gudorf writes in her article, Why Sex Is So Good for Your Marriage, that the “sexual desire created by marital sex is a source of tremendous energy in marriage—loving energy that overflows on others.” She relates, that in her own marriage her children became aware of the sexual attraction she and her husband had for each other. They even learned that if one of their parents was tense or irritable, or an argument was ensuing, they could restore the comfortable home atmosphere by suggesting that their parents take a “little nap,” the euphemism developed for a retreat to their bedroom.
When Gudorf was growing up, her own parents had provided such a model. They touched each other with affection, enjoyed each other’s company, and when they emerged from their bedroom, both smiling, their love for each other flowed out to their children, the rest of the evening often warm and fun-filled. As my mother used to tell me, sex is the glue in a marriage.
The following generations often made stronger marriages , because as children they experienced an honest openness about the sexual part of marriage—sexuality being seen in its spiritual context, and not something parents shouted out “don’t”!
Being ignorant of the close bonds that sexuality and spirituality have can promote confusion, the inability to communicate. Wives and husbands, boyfriends and girlfriends should be able to see their sexual lives as integral to human life, as a good thing—a sacred fire that we respect.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Gudorf writes: “For all these reasons, increased attention should be given in both the church and society to strengthening the role of sex in marriage by removing the ignorance of sexuality, the lack of communication skills, and the lack of theological appreciation for sexuality and sexual communion, all of which put marriage at risk.”
So true. We can honor ourselves by acknowledging that sexuality and spirituality are integral to who we are. When we integrate them, we respect that sacred fire.
