The cover of this amazing, well-researched, open-hearted book, written by Rebecca Little and Collen Long, acts as a preview for the reader…but only if you take your time, look carefully, and open both heart and mind.
The book’s title, I’M SORRY FOR MY….LOSS, immediately indicates that this is a serious, well-researched work, one that discusses women’s health and pregnancy, one that focuses on things that can go wrong, thus permanently affecting a woman’s life and her reproductive future. The writers intent, which they have definitely achieved, is to take a hard, well-researched look at women’s health and a women’s physiology, both of which are known to NOT always deliver the longed-for child.
I’M SORRY FOR MY LOSS examines the specific health needs of women, but also the lack of CARE that women in these changing times often experience at the hands of both male and female gynecologists. If you saw this book online or in a bookstore…and if you were hesitating, don’t! Or maybe you are uncertain as to the approach of the authors. If so, keep reading. Knowledge is power, this being 400 plus pages of research and personal experience that examines and presents in detail: Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Abortion, Patient Rights, even Grief— all amazing information that EVERY woman of reproductive age needs.
LONG AND LITTLE: We Write from Experience
There is one major difference that makes this book extraordinary in content and readability: the writers aren’t summarizing research and interviews. They are writing from painful and difficult personal experience, in addition to doing research before, during and after pregnancy. In our current cultural climate, the work of these two writers and its resultant statements emphasize and inform us of the dead ends, the outright ignorance and arrogance that we women have endured, are still enduring and might once again encounter, when seeking healthcare for our female bodies.
Example one: Pregnancy Loss. It is hard to believe, that in the wealthy United States of America, we still have an embarrassingly high rate of infant mortality, and that such a rate is expected to rise in the aftermath of the Supreme Court reversing abortion protection. Authors, Little and Long, write that the United States has 32.9 maternal deaths per 100,000 live births, a shocking rate. The United Kingdom is the next closest, their numbers being much lower:10.9 per 100,000 births. And for Black women in the United States…it is a frightening 69.9 deaths per 100,00 births. Little and Long: “This data of Black women…makes them nearly three times more likely to die than white women during pregnancy or within a year of the end of the pregnancy. Black women are also far more likely to suffer miscarriage, stillbirth, and other complications.”
Little and Long write that NONE of this reflects well on our healthcare system. Anushay Hossain, in her book Pain Gap, makes a strong case as to how women of color are treated: “Maternal mortality ratios tell us how well a country’s healthcare system in general is functioning. In America, our maternal mortality rates are a stark reminder of how little we actually value women’s health.”
The authors also quote Dr. Sarah Prager, an ob-gyn and professor at the University of Washington: “It’s really under-appreciated that pregnancy is dangerous.” Prager stresses that this danger includes all women, but especially women of color. A recent study of Black women in the United States revealed that impact: “Research on obstetric health inequities is notable, with Black communities experiencing higher rates of preterm birth, low birth weight, infant mortality, and maternal mortality.”
RACISM and WOMEN’S HEALTHCARE
Little and Long quote Jamila Taylor, a reproductive rights advocate. “Dealing with racism in our daily lives is a major factor in our health and well-being. The experience of racism makes Black people sick, whether it’s mental and emotional health or even physical health.”
Taylor said that many Black women have approached her, admitting they are afraid to get pregnant, they worry they will not survive it. This fear dates back to historically mistrusting white doctors: the Tuskegee Institute promoting forced sterilizations; Henrietta Lacks, her family not knowing for years that her blood and tissues were being used for experimentation. And the most frightening…statistics revealing that the infant mortality rate of Black infants is only cut in half when women are cared for by Black doctors.
Please consider Tori Bowie, an Olympic gold medal sprinter, who died while pregnant, her white doctors refusing to truly listen to her. They needed to do simple testing, thus finding: elevated blood pressure, protein in her urine. They needed to listen to her complaints: headaches, shortness of breath—classic symptoms of pre-eclampsia. Bowie was eight months pregnant when she died, alone in her home. Other black athletes have admitted that their doctors ignored physical complaints. Thus, Little and Long conclude: “If doctors won’t pay attention to Black athletes, then Black women in general don’t stand a chance.”
WOMEN’S RIGHTS AND GRIEF
Now, because of DOBBS, there are more women seeking abortions, the authors providing research concerning what some might call, THE DOBBS EFFECT. The “gold standard” in medical miscarriage management is the abortion regimen—mifepristone combined with misoprostol. But due to the FDA’s extra regulation of mifepristone (and numerous lawsuits), many patients are now offered only misoprostol. There is also disagreement in timing: the FDA: use allowed up to 9 weeks. The World Health Organization: use allowed up to 12 weeks. The writers believe that in states where a procedure is not available, more pregnant woman will be forced to rely on medication even later in a pregnancy. But after Row fell, and because of rape, Morgan Nuzzo, who is trained in all-trimester abortions, created a clinic in Maryland. She now reports a heart-breaking reality: seeing children every week, some as young as nine. Her clinic also takes care of people who have developed disabilities and/or are nonverbal. The clinic keeps tissue samples for pathology, so detectives can try to locate these rapists.
ABORTION, STILLBIRTH
Many restrictive laws have been heavily influenced by Evangelical Christianity, and that includes the doctrine stating that women should suffer punishment for original sin. If you die in childbirth or because of an abortion, it’s God’s will. Don’t blame them, blame Eve, ye old original bitch.
Jen Klein, director of the White House Gender Policy Council under President Biden, told authors Long and Little: “There is a strong contingent of extreme, mostly politicians, but also judges, who either don’t see or don’t want to see the effect these laws are having on women’s health care more generally.” Klein then added: “Pregnancy loss of very wanted pregnancies is one example at the heart of the problem.”
Yes, it certainly is. The authors have also explored another aspect of women, pregnancy and THE LAW, citing a case in 1999, when Regina McKnight became the first woman in the U.S. to be prosecuted and convicted for having a stillborn…this according to a legal scholar, Michele Goodwin. Knight served a decade in prison before her conviction was overturned, the prosecutor saying he wanted to make her an example: “If you kill a child by showing extreme indifference to human life, then you’re guilty of homicide by child abuse…” McKnight’s conviction was eventually overturned in 2008, due to faulty scientific evidence presented at the trial, though by then, she had already served a decade in prison. This, because many people in power are ignorant concerning pregnancy, birth and post-partum. They are literally harming pregnant and post-partum women with laws created out of ignorance…laws made by men who know how to get a woman pregnant, but who truly do not understand the biology of pregnancy and birth.
Because of intense research, and personal experience, Little and Long have written a book that presents facts and history related to pregnancy, loss, and other elements subsumed in those categories. It is a personal work, a book of knowledge, but also caring. The authors stress that many women who have lost a pregnancy go on to help with charity events, their work done in their baby’s name. Women also lobby for changes in the system. Little and Long beautifully refer to their efforts as “parenting a legacy”.
THE STORIES WE TELL: The Authors Refer to it as: A QUIET RIOT
When should a woman reveal that she is pregnant? Kate Watson writes in Scarlet A: Ethics, Law and Politics of Ordinary Abortion, referred to the silence that often accompanies the realization that one is pregnant…the “cultural confinement period” …a version of the Victorian rule that women could not go out in public when visibly pregnant. Wow, what would they say today? In our culture, we might guess that keeping a new pregnancy a secret until it is established and visible, means either the woman is making sure all is well, or she is admitting, “I didn’t want this, I don’t know what to do.”
The authors also stress that pregnancy loss is not uncommon: between ½ and 1/3 of women will experience a pregnancy loss; one in four women will have an abortion. Misunderstanding as to what causes a miscarriage is also widespread. Lifting a heavy object, using an IUD or birth control were once popular explanations for a miscarriage. But at least half of miscarriages are due to chromosomal issues, a genetic mismatch…that cannot be controlled. The authors then underline that it is comical, that many pregnant women wait until their first trimester to move the fridge to the basement. Really?? But maybe this is a joke I have not encountered!
What readers do need to know, is that there is a bounty of information, advice and expertly-presented research in I’m Sorry for My Loss. As a former Labor and Delivery RN, I applaud not only the authors personal strength and positivity, but also their excellent and thorough research. This book required belief in the project, persistence in doing research, asking questions, and getting answers: the latter not easy when questioning some doctors!
Long and Little are to be applauded for their openness, honesty, and the ability to share their own experiences, their own pain. The book is beautifully organized and well-researched. It is truly a handbook for all women, accessible and easy to read, a guide proving that personal revelations help support female understanding and female hope.
The book also provides a clear message: women, no matter their age, background or connection to doctors and other medical staff, will often need to rely on personal strength. And more importantly, they must rely on and USE their ability to ASK questions. Medical people are people. Don’t hesitate. Ask questions, any question, especially if you are experiencing sorrow and anxiety. And after reading this guide, I hope there will be a voice in your head, one urging you to ask questions, to not hold back. When visiting with a doctor, midwife or doula, you might carry with you a copy of the chapter: PULL YOURSELF UP BY YOUR OVARIES…just as a reminder!
And remember: this is book of warmth and encouragement. It is also a book of the realities of loss…as the title emphasizes. I encourage every woman of child-bearing age to read this well researched and honest look at Women’s Healthcare. Whether you have just started to menstruate, want to be pregnant, have already given birth or are going through “the change”, information about your female body, your ability to reproduce, must be part of you. This book can act like a shield: because with information, your ability to understand reproduction, pregnancy and birth is enhanced. You have always had the strength to make you own choices…now you have more tools. Now you will agree: your female strengths MUST BE PROTECTED.
