Thanks to Kevin MD and his column. He brings Medicine to the public, and he makes those in medical professions smile. Kevin writes: MD ER docs and nurses (and paramedics) are a superstitious lot. I decided it would be interesting to those not in the business to read about some of our superstitions. So in no specific order, here are my favorites.
- The “Q” word. “Quiet” Using that word is truly the kiss of death. The “S” word for “slow” carries the same jinx. And usually some newbie nurse or clerk who is “not superstitious ” will say, “Wow, I haven’t seen it this quiet in here for a while.” And everyone around will groan and in five minutes ten ambulances and a buss from the nearest nursing home will arrive, oh and one of the ambulances will call ahead announcing the imminent arrival of a pediatric code.
- The full moon. The story goes that the full moon brings out crazies and the trauma, and maybe even makes normal folks sick. The story also goes that during a full moon the ER will be hopping. (In maternity, a full moon means that more women will go into labor….and staff will even try to work the schedule so they are off during a full moon.) Studies have been done, (really they have) but in spite of the fact that statistics do not bear this out, ER docs and nurses will not let this one go! It just seems to be right and it’s nice to have a large, inanimate object to bland for your woes.
- The black cloud. I have a reputation as being a ‘black cloud’. This means that when I come on the shift the heaves open and sick people get some magical message that tells them all to come to the ER…NOW! The black could label is hard to shake because even though you stack a whole bunch of reasonable shifts in the hopper, the minute the ER goes nuts the nurses look at you and remember that at some point YOU have been declared a ‘black cloud’. Sometimes the only way to shake this label is to wait for a new hire doc to hit the ER and let it be known, quietly, that new Dr. So-and SO is a terrible black cloud.
- Dissed paramedic revenge. There may be something to this one! Paramedics are independent individuals. When you, an ER doc or charge nurse, for example, read them riot act, especially if it is done in front of others, that paramedic can respond by bringing the rest of his patients right to you. This is most obvious when the medics have a few places to choose from in terms of where they take their patients. The doc, gave me a hard time about the last patient…oh wow! this homeless guy a schizophrenic with chest pains would be best served by seeing 911 doc …lets pass metro and drive down to Mercy. It’s only another 10 miles and 911 doc is all that! (evil smirk)
- Major concerts or spotting events. It would make sense that if your team is playing for the title that the ER would be hopping after the event, either from the riot which accompanies a loss or the riot which accompanies a win. Still, working the night shift a while back when our team won the NBA title, the ER was as slow as I had ever seen it. This, of course, means they didn’t try very hard to riot!
- Holidays. They suck. All of them. There’s no mystery here. Thanksgiving and Christmas and the ER is the only game in town. All the doctor’s offices are closed.
- Spitting on the board will produce a shit storm. Many ERs do not have boards anymore, at least not the kind you can spit on. They are now computer monitors. I spat on the old chalk-board once, as a joke, walking out the door, and as I drove home I was passed by two ambulances running lights, sirens, and heading to the hospital.
THANKS FOR READING!!
