I enter the exam room, met by a faint but lovely strawberry fragrance. Mrs. B. rests comfortably on an office chair; she always eschews the exam table. In her 80s, she is a formidable woman, heavyset, her deep brown skin somewhat pale, yet she sparkles in a long, bright, flowery dress, glasses with large silver frames, one hand resting on a cane of knotty oak. Her two adult sons stand nearby, respectfully quiet.
We have our usual visit, chatting a bit, listening to her heart and lungs, and examining her legs, dark and woody. She is here for a hospital follow-up, improved, “back to baseline” as we like to say.
I review her medical problems in my mind—late-stage heart failure, diabetes with several end-organ complications, and a prior stroke, not to mention the recent hospitalization. There’s a parade of concerned specialists leaving notes on her chart, but this moment comes down to me, her primary care doctor.
My face flushes with the usual embarrassment I feel when I utter these words: “To be honest, I don’t know.” I wait for her and her sons to express their disappointment. Maybe a “better” doctor would know the answer.
I am gobsmacked by her statement; it’s one I haven’t heard in a long while. Patients generally desire definitive answers. Yet, in her way, she trusts me, even in the face of uncertainty.
I thank her, and we talk about the mystery of life and death and how you never really know when the end will come. After a brief handshake, we both stand, and I touch her shoulder. Looking into her eyes in that brief moment, I feel cared for. We part company—each feeling our own sort of peace.
4 Responses
Wow. Love this. I have unending admiration for doctors and nurses. They see everything and yet are usually calm and steady throughout it all. Bless them.
I do too. Not only working with them, but having them care for me. My son, our third child, was born when I was in my
early 40’s. My doctor believed in me, and I believed in him.
That’s beautiful. People who are called to be healers experience so much, the good, the great and the bad in us. This was one of the greats.
Thanks, Alana. I could not have said it better myself. Dr. Kevin has been a favorite for a long time. He knows
how to communicate and to teach. Thanks for reading, Beth