THE STORIES WE TELL: The Authors Refer to it as: A QUIET RIOT
When should a woman reveal that she is pregnant? Kate Watson writes in Scarlet A: Ethics, Law and Politics of Ordinary Abortion, referred to the silence that often accompanies the realization that one is pregnant…the “cultural confinement period” …a version of the Victorian rule that women could not go out in public when visibly pregnant.
Wow, what would they say today? In our culture, we might guess that keeping a new pregnancy a secret until it is established and visible, means either the woman is making sure all is well, or she is admitting, “I didn’t want this, I don’t know what to do.”
The authors also stress that pregnancy loss is not uncommon: between ½ and 1/3 of women will experience a pregnancy loss; one in four women will have an abortion.
Misunderstanding as to what causes a miscarriage is also widespread. Lifting a heavy object, using an IUD or birth control were once popular explanations for a miscarriage. But at least half of miscarriages are due to chromosomal issues, a genetic mismatch…that cannot be controlled. The authors then underline that it is comical, that many pregnant women wait until their first trimester to move the fridge to the basement. Really?? But maybe this is a joke I have not encountered!
What readers do need to know, is that there is a bounty of information, advice and expertly-presented research in I’m Sorry for My Loss. As a former Labor and Delivery RN, I applaud not only the authors personal strength and positivity, but also their excellent and thorough research. This book required belief in the project, persistence in doing research, asking questions, and getting answers: the latter not easy when questioning some doctors!
Long and Little are to be applauded for their openness, honesty, and the ability to share their own experiences, their own pain. The book is beautifully organized and well-researched, truly a handbook for all women, accessible and easy to read, a guide proving that personal revelations help support female understanding and female hope.
The book also provides a clear message: women, no matter their age, background or connection to doctors and other medical staff, will often need to rely on personal strength. And more importantly, they must rely on and USE their ability to ASK questions. Medical people are people. Don’t hesitate. Ask questions, any question, especially if you are experiencing sorrow and anxiety. And after reading this guide, I hope there will be a voice in your head, one urging you to ask questions, to not hold back. When visiting with a doctor, midwife or doula, you might carry with you a copy of the chapter: PULL YOURSELF UP BY YOUR OVARIES…just as a reminder!
And remember: this is book of warmth and encouragement. It is also a book of the realities of loss…as the title emphasizes. I encourage every woman of child-bearing age to read this well researched and honest look at Women’s Healthcare. Whether you have just started to menstruate, want to be pregnant, have already given birth or are going through “the change”, information about your female body, your ability to reproduce, must be part of you. This book can act like a shield: because with information, your ability to understand reproduction, pregnancy and birth is enhanced. You have always had the strength to make you own choices…now you have more tools. Now you will agree: your female strengths MUST BE PROTECTED.
THANK SO MUCH FOR READING. And PS If you have a daughter or daughters, surely there are parts of this book you will want them to read.
6 Responses
The question of when to reveal a pregnancy is indeed complex. I think the underlying principle is that pregnancy is inherently private. Like any other medical condition, it is really no one’s business but the person experiencing it. When, why, how and with whom it is shared depends on the woman’s circumstances.
My daughter had a great way of handling people (sometimes strangers!) who would pat her bulging bun-in-the-oven. She simply patted their abdomen in return. Rather gives the message, doesn’t it?
Yes it does. Pregnancy, though it changes how how we look to the public, is truly a private experience. Well, it used to be! Now
our culture feels it is necessary to let EVERYONE know. Times change. Thanks for reading.
Pregnancy is tough enough. Now women have to go through all these draconian laws in certain states. My heart goes out to young females these days, for so many reasons.
Yes. When these two women, who graduated with my daughter, were doing their research, things were still very open before the fall of Roe V Wade. now all has changed. Thanks for reading.
You always have such interesting topics and this one is no different. I’d never really thought about it til now.
Thanks, Carol. These two women have done their research, and though we are beyond child-bearing age, their research
can help so many young women….like my daughter-in-law. Beth